Photos at Disneyland

Taking the family to Disneyland and shooting photos of the day(s) is a tradition more than half a century old. There will be photo albums filled with trip mementos, a slideshow on a makeshift projector screen when friends come over. Super duper Americana.

I’ve never been to Disneyland.

My family are New Yorkers, way over on the other side of America. My family was also fairly frugal, and didn’t really do any grand vacations. I had never been on an airplane until I was an adult. Our vacations would usually be to the homes of other family members or a lake cabin in the Adirondacks, though there have been excursions to a theme park in upstate NY, one trip out to Cape Cod, one to D.C., and a few trips to see family in St Louis, but that was the majority of our non-work related travels. I don’t remember ever nagging my parents, either, about a Disneyland trip. I didn’t find Mickey Mouse very interesting, and only a few of my friends at the time had gone. Those who DID go, however, brought back stories with them.

Space Mountain was a new ride when I was in elementary school, and it was a big deal. “Oh man, it was so fast, and in the dark, and all this stuff whooshes by! I heard one kid stood up during the ride and got his whole head torn off!” “Whoah!!!” we’d say to these farcical stories of amusement park extremes.

These same friends also had thrilling and dangerous stories from visits to Action Park in New Jersey, but in hindsight those may have been less exaggerated (that place was like Lord of the Flies with beer). So I might not have been very interested in Disney, but I absolutely was interested in Space Mountain.

My partner’s family is from Arizona, and they would enjoy Disneyland vacations as part of a normal family summer. Recently, the family wanted to have a great big 20-person family reunion to the park. Four days in Disneyland, the (almost) whole family. “What the hell am I gonna do in Disneyland for four days?” I wondered. It seemed like a long time to spend chasing Mickey Mouse around. Still, what the hell. It’s a life experience I should indulge in. I looked forward to the opportunity to spend more time with my partner’s family and get to know them better. Plus I always enjoy going to an unfamiliar place with a camera and a case full of film. In addition, I have every intention of riding Space Mountain. Gonna ride that thing! I sure hope it’s not a hyped-up let-down.

Flew into LAX, shuttled out to the lot where we could get an Uber (can’t do it there, too many people, gotta go a few miles away. I hate LAX), then a nice long ride to the next town over. I had never been to LA and the first thing I took from it is “Everything looks like the movies and TV.” Since that’s where so much TV and movies are being made, it’s no small surprise that so much showbiz landscape would look like what I’m riding through right now. It feels like you know the place having never even been there, because if you’ve ever watched movies or TV, you’ve pretty much been there. You know the neighborhoods, the names of the streets and highways and you’ve seen the hills and the palm trees and, I won’t lie, it was pretty cool.

After a good 45 minutes (the typical amount of time it takes to drive 12 miles in LA) we arrived in Anaheim. Super Disney’riffic, this is the town that Disney built. The Uber turns right and I say to my partner “We’re staying at The Candy Cane Inn? Really??” as we turned into the parking lot of our motel. I thought we’d be at some corporate chain hotel or something just like any other travel hotel, but not this place with candy canes and Santa Clauses everywhere. “This is so cool” I thought. I embraced the saccharine family vacation kitsch of it. I bought a T shirt of the place. I bought some postcards to send home.

Got the bags out, set up in the motel room, and met up with a swarm of her family that had gathered out on the balcony. A lot of faces I didn’t know yet, or only really chatted with very briefly. I wasn’t acclimated to all this newness yet, so I was feeling a little like a fish out of water. “Want a beer?” I hear her brother-in-law say to me. “I sure do!” I replied back. I’m drinking beer with strangers on a hotel balcony as the sun sets in Los Angeles, California. It’s official, I’m on vacation.

Up early the next day, film loaded, breakfast loaded, let’s go check this place out. The motel is walking distance to the park, no need for Uber. The first thing we see is a dozen or so super long lines. I was told to expect long lines, and fully anticipated it, but still was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of humanity packed in. Easily over a thousand people just standing in these lines. It was only 7:30, the park isn’t even open yet – this is just the line to the security check. It’s a post-9/11 world, you can’t go anywhere in large groups in America without armed and uniformed guards first checking all your bags and scanning your person for guns or knives or bombs or drugs or swords or crossbows or grenades or bazookas or anything else that might create a problem in “The Happiest Place on Earth.”

That’s what they call it, for those people not in the know. “The Happiest Place On Earth.” Let me tell you about that one. It’s a park filled beyond capacity with SO many people. Tens of thousands of them. Tens of thousands of impatient people, people fed up with their crying and whiny children. Long, long lines of impatient people with their whiny crying children, standing shoulder to shoulder with these impatient patrons and crying children for upwards of 30-45 minutes at a time. Everything is a price gouge. Everything is designed with the express purpose of removing your money from your pockets. There are places where secret scent spritzers in walls will mist smells of fresh cookies into the air as you pass a place to make you say “Man! I could sure go for a 20-dollar bag of cookies right now!” Of course, there are almost no places to get a drink in this park because if you introduce alcohol to this crowd of the happiest people on Earth, there will absolutely be trouble! Of course, it’s not very likely you could get a drink even if you COULD order one, because it’s not easy to get anything in a hurry!

You see, there’s an app you need to download, because if you want a fruity mocktail (which was on our agenda) you first have to find the place that serves them, and then on the app you have to order it up, and they will tell you on the app when you can come get in line to pick it up… two hours later. This app also tells you which rides have the shorter lines to get in at any given moment, and it works in tandem if you buy a Fast Pass for the day. That’s right, for an extra 40 bucks per person, you can take the shorter line to get into any ride. That is, any ride at only a particular time of day, and only once per ride – so it’s not really a magic key to the kingdom, but it helps. You need to time it just right with that app, and my partner’s family are masters of that friggin’ app!

We’re fast-passing our way into the Star Wars ride, then as soon as we’re off of it, all her family are eyes-on-phones, scrolling and coming up with the way to maximize our NEXT rides! It was quite impressive, honestly, they knew all the tricks for getting the most bang for your buck. That is not at all how I operate, I tend to just wander unhurriedly, not worried about maximizing anything. As a result, I would have not have gotten as much out of the day as I would have without her family controlling the flow. Another trick of theirs, using the mobility scooters to their maximum potential. Her mom was having issues, and so we rented her a mobility scooter. Her sister in law also needed one, as did her brother in law (different brother in law, not the one with the beer, the less cool one… because he’s not the one who handed me beers). People with mobility issues get to be in the fast lines too, and we don’t want those people riding by themselves, so sure, your family can get right into that fast line with you! We used those Fast Passes and those mobility scooters to optimum possibility. So many of the rides, we would get the velvet rope treatment, walking past the impossibly-long 45-minute wait line to get on that ride in five minutes. “So long, peasants!” I wanted to say to that line with a Royal Wave, but I am at least mature enough to know that would be a bad idea at The Happiest Place On Earth! I might get my happiest-ass kicked!!

Although if that WERE to happen I’m sure they have a protocol for it, to eliminate the unhappiness and cover it up so the children wouldn’t see me bleeding on the happiest pavement on Earth. There were a few times that I saw something going on, not sure what, something with a person on the ground, or otherwise showing some signs of distress, but I couldn’t tell what because that scene was surrounded by a tight knitting of employee bodies, holding out one arm to block your view while using the other hand to wave you along while wearing this huge manufactured smile. It was actually a really good idea. The person having issues was allowed to keep their dignity and not be gawked at, and they would hide all suggestion that this wasn’t in fact the Happiest Place On Earth!

That wave thing they did? Every employee (or “Cast Member” as they’re called, because “Showbiz!”) does the wave thing, all day long. When you’re in line, don’t dawdle! There’s someone in a uniform waving their hand to suggest you keep moving along. When the previous riders get out of the ride those hands wave you to “Get In Get In Get In” and when your ride ends, there’s the waving hands urging you to “Get Out Get Out Get Out.” I’ve ridden the NYC subways, many times, it’s not that much different. Hustle thousands of people along so thousands more can get on behind you, and if you slow down there’s gonna be a problem!

Know what else is crowded? All the gift shops. All of them, and there are so, so many! For every one ride in the park there are half a dozen gift shops. There is a constant push to spend money. Everyone in the entire park is wearing Disney something. EvErYoNe!!! Disney shirts and Disney sweatshirts and Disney hats and Disney backpacks and Disney sweatpants and Disney shoes and Disney fanny packs and those mouse ears, so many different mouse ears. Everyone had merch on. Oh and let’s not forget those little enamel pins! All the shops will sell these little enamel pins, hundreds of different Disney themed designs, a wall full of them selling for between 12 and 20 bucks per pin. They even sell these little lanyards to wear all your Disney pins on… and people wore them! I saw people walking around with a car-down-payment’s worth of pins. It’s absolutely bonkers!

Anyway, I bought five.

It’s a lot. A whole lot. The pace is pushy and it’s a lot of sensory input, by dinner time I was over it and ready to call it a day. A happiest day on Earth. We stayed a bit longer though. My partner still had some “day” in her and wanted me to stay a bit longer. She knew how to get me onboard a little longer – “Wanna do Space Mountain again?” she’d ask me. “Oh, well sure I suppose I could go again on that one.” “That was fun,” I’d say, “I’m gonna head back.” “Want to get an ice cream cone first?” she’d ask me and, you know, I said “Sure, of course, there’s always time for ice cream.” My lady knows my buttons.

We did the main Disney park three days, plus one day for the “California Adventure” park, and throughout those three days I rode Space Mountain seven times. I wasn’t planning on it, but it happened, and I loved it every time. I really enjoyed most of the rides, but especially Space Mountain. The ride was first unveiled in 1977, when science fiction was becoming huge in entertainment. With the unexpected success of Star Wars, outer space adventure themes were at near-Marvel-level oversaturation. I was a kid in 1977 and as such I loved sci fi and space adventure, and anything associated with it. Star Wars and Star Trek and The Black Hole and Space 1999 and Buck Rogers and Battlestar Galactica and everything else cosmic with robots and laser beams in the late 70’s, Space Mountain delivered this back to me, because the entire ride seems like it’s still in the late 70’s. Every aspect of the design and presentation was dripping with late-70’s nostalgia. They froze it in time so that I could get my second-grader experience as my friends might have enjoyed… minus the occasional accidental decapitation (which, of course, never happened). We GenX’ers are super nostalgic as a group, don’t know why, we just are.

It has been so many years since I’ve ridden any amusement park rides. I’ve been so-so about rides past my teen years, not a huge fan. I ride motorcycle, what do I need a roller coaster for? Unexpectedly, I was crazy about these rides. What I enjoyed about them is that they were all so very epic in scale. Multi-million dollar rides built inside of huge soundstages, using the very best technology available when it comes to making you feel like you’re on a multi-million dollar ride. Doubt me? Ride that Star Wars ride. It’s like nothing you’ve ever been on. When we were finished with the Pirates of the Caribbean ride we went and had lunch at a New Orleans styled restaurant located inside of the ride itself. Stepping outside of the ride you’re feeling like you’re on an idealized Bourbon Street, minus the vomit and the pickpockets. They really set a big scene here, and in great detail. It’s a major amusement park put together by a major movie innovator, there is nothing mediocre about it. It has that “Wow” factor.

As much as I enjoyed spending time with her family, some of the most enjoyable times came when my partner and I broke away from our crowd and strolled around on our own. This was still our vacation as a couple as much as it was theirs as a family, so I wanted to hog my lady all to myself for awhile. Day Two was California Adventure (another park within the Disney resort) day, and for the first few hours of the day it was just she and I walking down the less-crowded streets (it’s less popular than Disneyland proper, so it’s less crowded too), arm in arm, drinking coffee, whispering rude jokes, and taking pictures of the scenery and each other. No apps, no mobility scooters, no running after family members that got separated because we left enough of a gap between us that 40 other park-goers could fill up that gap separating our group in multiple places. It was less of a fight and more of a stroll. It was kinda awesome.

The rides weren’t as epic (and I did NOT like the Tower of Terror ride… it felt like five minutes of the worst airline turbulence you can imagine. Not comfy!), but the park had its own charm. The front gate housing was modeled after the Pan Pacific Auditorium, which will be familiar to anyone who watched the 1980 Olivia Newton John movie “Xanadu.” It had a more Marvel and Pixar leaning, as far as themes go, and it had some really pretty landscapes and architecture to take photos of. There was an area devoted to OTHER aspects of California that had nothing to do with cartoon showbiz. We bought a redwood sapling there, and tasted some California wines.

I loaded multiple rolls of film, using my newest camera, a Minolta A7. My partner borrowed my Konica Auto S3 (her first time using a rangefinder) and loaded a combination of films. My least favorite shots came when I used JCH Street Pan film in my camera. It might not have been the best film for the day, or perhaps I was not getting the best use of it in an unfamiliar camera, but most of the shots had way too much darkness in the shadows, even though I exposed for shadows… or did I? Unfamiliar camera, first time using it, and I had issues. One roll was terribly underexposed, probably didn’t change the ISO setting automatically and I didn’t think to look. Also, the autofocus was not autofocusing right, and that’s probably due to some of the AF settings. Sadly, there were a lot of garbage shots.

My partner’s pictures made me suspect I had a little bit of light leakery on the shutter hinge side of the camera back, as there is a vertical light stripe in half the shots, along the left side. However some of the shots came out fantastic.

Unfortunately, nearly half the shots we put together looked a bit not-great. Luckily, I shot up a lot of film, so this made up for the bad shots. Besides, when have you ever shot 36 exposures and got 36 amazing shots from it? You just gotta roll with it (unintentional pun).

It was a good trip, I’m glad I went, but it was exhausting so I don’t wanna do it again for a while! It was epic and exciting but overpriced and overcrowded, but I think that’s just the nature of tourism in general now.